In my experience, it is rare for people to find the decision to divorce straightforward. Most people find the decision making excruciatingly difficult. No one asks to find themselves in an unhappy marriage.
Whatever the circumstances of the breakdown of the marriage, it is impossible to just switch off your feelings for your spouse, feelings which have built up over perhaps many years.
It takes time to clarify your thoughts, feelings and decide what you want to do.
The worry of uncertainty about what the future holds can be very stressful.
You are in an unhappy marriage but at least you know what happens here. I call this the “uncomfortable comfort zone”. The “better the devil you know scenario”. So…you decide to do nothing.
Many questions will be going through your mind.
what happens if I decide to separate? How will I tell the kids? (There are lots of resources available); the divorce will cost me a fortune? (This does not have to be the case. There are lots of ways to keep the costs down). I can help answer all these questions and concerns.
You will need to consider what is more uncomfortable- staying as you are, or making changes in your life.
If things are going to improve, change needs to happen. Change can be positive. This could involve, marriage guidance counselling to work towards a reconciliation with your spouse. Or, if that is unsuccessful or not appropriate, it may be necessary to think about alternative options.
There is usually no rush to take formal steps.
It is natural to feel lost and upset about being in this horrible situation. You don’t want to be here and you certainly don’t want to be having to make life changing decisions.
There is a lot of help and support available for people going through divorce and separation.
Take your time and seek professional help and support from me to find out your options. It is important to make strong informed decisions. Get a strong support network from friends/family, but keep the group to a selective number of your most trusted allies. Look after your physical health; emotional stress can be exhausting and takes its toll on your general well-being.
There is no easy way to make the decision to end your marriage.
It needs to be you who makes the decision and in your time. Talk things through with me. If you feel you need extra help at this time, see your GP about counselling etc. When you feel ready, I can help you arrange an initial meeting with a solicitor to receive advice about your options. There will be no pressure to take any action. Things happen in your time. Knowing your options will help with decision making.
If you have found the tips in this blog useful then you will find lots more in my ebook “Tips for Coping with Divorce” which you can download here: free ebook.
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