broken heartAre You Worried That Your Spouse Is Cheating On You?

ID-10030065As a divorce consultant, I often get asked what the most common reason is for people to get divorced. Most people presume it is infidelity.

In fact, statistics tell us that the most common ground for divorce in England and Wales at the moment is what is called unreasonable behaviour“. Here the person wanting the divorce sets out various different reasons why they have decided to get a divorce. However, spouses having affairs is still a common ground for divorce.

Unfortunately, this is particularly the case in the area of Surrey, where I run my consultancy business.
In my personal experience, the person cheating has always admitted the affair to their spouse, which is all that is needed for the divorce to proceed on the grounds of “adultery”. The court does not require “evidence” of the affair, if the person admits to the relationship.
To date, I have not worked with any clients who have used the services of a private investigator to help prove their spouse’s infidelity. But I do know that the use of these services is on the increase. It seems that more people want proof for themselves, about their spouse’s affair. This has been confirmed in an article in last year’s Telegraph

I have read various articles which suggest that it is easier for people to have affairs, these days. I believe long work hours (more often with a long commute) and more importantly people owning various tech devices (rather than just the one phone and computer) have key parts to play here.

But, from what the article in today’s Telegraph tells us, the use of high tech equipment by private investigators or GPS devices, can also be the cheater’s down fall. To find out more about Colin Butcher, the private investigator mentioned in the article, see his website – (
Colin Butcher does explain that finding out about the affair, does not necessarily lead to divorce. This is an important observation. People can move on from an affair.

I have worked with clients who through specialist counselling from a marriage guidance counsellor as well as working with me with personal development coaching, have managed to find a way to stay in the marriage and put the affair behind them. This is certainly not easy and not necessarily possible for everyone.

For a marriage to work, both parties need to want to make it work and be committed to action whatever is necessary to make it work.
If you are worried your spouse is cheating on you and want to find out your options – practical or legal, please do get in touch with me. If you are suspicious of infidelity it can be very stressful, and it is important to take stock, and not rush in to making any hasty decisions.

There are lots of resources and services out there to support and assist you, whilst you find out more information, and make your decision as to how to proceed. Don’t struggle alone. Get specialist advice and help. Get in touch via my Contact page or call me on 07970 231744.


If you have found the tips in this blog useful then you will find lots more in my ebook “Tips for Coping with Divorce” which you can download here: free ebook.

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