Divorce affects the whole family. Like Mum and Dad, the children require time and space to process their feelings about the divorce.
To help your children come to terms with the big changes to their family, parents need to put aside their personal feelings towards each other, and work together to parent the children. Here are my tips:
Discuss Differences in Parenting Styles
Children need consistency to feel loved and protected. A good routine helps provide stability. Discuss with your ex any differences in your parenting styles. You will need common ground on big issues. Don’t micro-manage your ex-spouse. You cannot dictate what he/she does but you do need to agree boundaries.
Build Good Communication
Keep children’s best interests in mind. Lead by example. Diarise regular telephone calls with your ex to discuss the children. Keep it to talking about children matters only. You need a good working relationship. Put aside your personal feelings and keep things civil.
Pick Your battles
You won’t agree on everything but it is not worth fighting about everything, so pick your battles. Your ex is still your children’s other parent. You need to relinquish the need for control. Don’t be petty and do things you know your ex will hate, just for the sake of it. Decisions and actions need to be in the children’s best interests.
Respect your ex, for the sake of your children. Parenthood is forever. Work on getting a good relationship now. This will set you up for the future. People who were terrible spouses can still be great parents.
Think About The Children
“They didn’t ask for this, nor are they responsible for the complexities of adult marital problems. You don’t want to turn your children into confidants, friends or therapists while you’re going through this challenging transition. But you do want to encourage them to share their feelings, voice their opinions and let you know what it’s like for them to be affected by your divorce.”(Rosalind Sedacca, U.S. parent coach – http://www.childcentereddivorce.com/).
For information about how I might be able to assist you with your personal post-divorce parenting situation, please get in touch with me here – Email Rhiannon.
If you have found the tips in this blog useful then you will find lots more in my ebook “Tips for Coping with Divorce” which you can download here: free ebook.
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