Something to Avoid During Your Divorce….Energy Drains!

When we’re going through challenging times in our lives, it is important to have a strong support system in place. Our friends and family can play an important part in that.

However, going through a tough time can have a detrimental impact on our energy levels – mental, physical and emotional. As such, we may have a limited amount of energy left after we’ve spent time dealing with the difficult issues. During these times we need to be kind to ourselves and be careful what we put our energies in to. Part of this can involve choosing carefully who we decide to spend time with.

Some people in your life may not have a positive impact on you at the moment. We’re probably not at our best, and need to factor that in when we’re arranging social occasions. It is a good idea to choose to spend time with people who bring out the best in us. Choose radiators rather than energy drains.

How to recognise an energy drain

They can be people or things (activities/situations). These people/situations cause us to feel-

dread before seeing them/or doing the activity

uncomfortable in their company/in the situation

drained, hopeless & exhausted after spending time with them or doing the activity

They are like the dementors from Harry Potter- sucking out our souls.


These are the opposite of energy drains. They are people we look forward to spending time with; we feel comfortable and happy in their company, and feel positive after spending time with them.

What drains our energy about these situations or people?

We don’t like how these people or situations make us feel. They show us our vulnerabilities/weaknesses. Perhaps traits we don’t like in ourselves.

What gives energy drains their power?

We do. We have a choice to how we use our energy and whether we allow other people’s behaviour to affect us. That’s the good news. We can decide not to allow energy drains to have power over us.

How to manage energy drains

  1. Recognise that person/situation is an energy drain for you. Work out what is it about this particular situation/person that drains. List your feelings. What is it that makes you feel like this?
  2. Where possible avoid situations and people that drain you. Don’t be a martyr. This can be difficult if it’s a work situation or family member.
  3. When you need to deal with the draining situation or communicate with a draining person, smile and stay calm. Don’t give away your energy.
  4. Be true to yourself. Be your authentic self. Listen to your gut instinct, it’s usually right.
  5. Choose what you will do if you feel the energy drain taking your power. You don’t have to continue in an uncomfortable situation. You can politely make an excuse and leave. Be kind to yourself.


“Energy is the ingredient for success.

You decide who/what gets it. Choose wisely!”

Cheryl Richardson


I work with my clients on lots of different issues to help them feel calmer and more confident in coping with their divorce journey and the important changes in their lives. To find out more about how I might be able to help you in your situation, get in touch here.


If you have found the tips in this blog useful then you will find lots more in my ebook “Tips for Coping with Divorce” which you can download here: free ebook.

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