divorce blog

Do You Have Trouble Letting Go?

One of my friends told me that she has realised she has a history of hanging on to things she cares about for the good bits, even when they are no longer working.

I think there are lots of us who will be able to relate to this. Letting go is tough.

It can be uncomfortable and often not what we wanted.

We may have wanted things to turn out differently so we cling on or perhaps things have become too familiar and we fear change?

Sometimes being with something/someone feels easier than being without?

BUT letting go of negativity is a positive thing.

It can take a while to realise we need to let go and we may need help to do it and recover from it.

But it’ll be the best thing for us in the end.

It helps us move our life forward.

It is being kind to ourselves.

How are you at letting go?

If you have found the tips in this blog useful then you’ll find lots more in my eBooks, which you can purchase and download today.

If you’d like to work with me 1:1, for help preparing for your divorce/or support during or after the divorce process, please get in touch to find out how I can help.

Why I became a divorce consultant.

“Should I Tell My Children That Their Other Parent Cheated?”

By Rhiannon Ford

I met with a new client today who asked a common question – “Rhiannon, should I tell the children that my wife is in a new relationship and that’s why we are separating? I don’t want to lie to them or risk my relationship with them in the future if they find out I knew and didn’t tell them.”

My advice is always – No.

The children don’t need to know (at the moment at least). Children should be given information about the divorce on a “need to know” basis.

Any decisions the parents make during the divorce, including what they tell the children, needs to be done in a child focused way and always with their best interests in mind.

For many of my clients, their need to tell the children is actually a personal one, for their sake rather than to benefit the children. I don’t agree with this.

Mum and Dad are the most important people in the children’s lives and it is unfair to encourage them to think and feel badly towards one of their parents. They will find this extremely upsetting – whatever their age.

Chances are the truth will come out quite naturally at some point anyway.

I don’t advocate lying to the children if they ask a direct question but that’s different to telling them new and difficult information they weren’t expecting and don’t need to know at this time (or sometimes ever).

If the children quiz the cheated on parent in the future as to why they did not tell them them sooner, I recommend explaining that they made the best decision they could as their parent, to protect them at the time.

How A Divorce Consultant Can Help: Hear Mrs K’s Story

By Rhiannon Ford

One of my clients, Mrs K, has kindly agreed to answer some questions about the work we did together. Here is her story…

What was going on for you that prompted you to get in touch with Rhiannon in the first place?

I was struggling to decide whether I should go ahead with filing for divorce or try to continue working with my husband’s unsatisfactory self-designed separation agreement and felt quite overwhelmed by the hugeness of the decisions I needed to take. My solicitor knew Rhiannon and thought she might help me.

What in particular did you want help with when you first started working with Rhiannon?

Sorting out my goals, getting affirmation that I was entitled to ask for a divorce and that I had been badly treated, working out my next steps.

What did you find most helpful about working with Rhiannon in the early stages of your separation/divorce?

Clarifying the legal process, bringing order to my thoughts about the process of separation/divorce and what needed to be done.

Being able to express my emotions – anger, hurt, bewilderment, frustration, not knowing what to do – in a way that was not appropriate with my solicitor and, very importantly, feeling understood, supported and validated.

How has working with Rhiannon helped you during the legal process of your divorce?

Rhiannon was very helpful with completing Form E, and explaining the legal process and timings of the different stages.

What have been any other benefits of working with Rhiannon?

It saved me some time and costs that I would have otherwise needed to spend with my lawyer.

What would you say to someone considering getting a divorce as to how Rhiannon might be able to help them?

You don’t know until you are facing the prospect of divorce how incredibly daunting it is at a time when you are very distressed and overwhelmed. Family and friends can give huge support, but there are some things you can’t burden them with. And you can’t ask your solicitor for help with making choices as they are there to carry out your requests and provide legal direction where needed. Also their time is very expensive. Rhiannon with her legal knowledge fills the gap between counselling and giving emotional support and the law. I found that invaluable during the early stages.

If you have found the tips in this blog useful then you’ll find lots more in my eBooks, which you can purchase and download today.

If you’d like to work with me 1:1, for help preparing for your divorce/or support during the divorce process, please get in touch to find out how I can help.

Why I became a divorce consultant.

Do You Feel Like You’re Juggling Lots of Things in Your Life?

By Rhiannon Ford

Do you feel like you’re juggling lots of things in your life at the moment?

Work, kids, money, relationships, health etc. are the usual suspects but what if you’re also going through divorce?

I think many of us can feel like we’re juggling the different parts of our lives at times….if not most of the time. Life can be very busy and we can feel like we’re being pulled in all different directions.

Sometimes we can feel really stretched and it can be overwhelming. This can have a knock on effect on us feeling stressed, exhausted and not able to function at our full potential.

Adding in a divorce can really tip the balance. With it comes it’s own set of things that can stretch you even further – dealing with correspondence from your solicitor/mediator, processing the emotions surrounding the relationship breakdown, making big and perhaps uncomfortable decisions. It is a busy and challenging time.

My tips are:

1. Take things steady – one step at a time. Slow down and catch your breath.

2. Prioritise – decide what needs your attention and when. Everything can feel important and urgent when we’re stressed. Try to get some perspective on what is necessary for you to put your time and energy into.

3. Try not to multi-task – you could end up not doing any one thing properly which could cost you more time in the long run.

4. Ask for help – don’t struggle alone. Reach out for help. Have a think about who could help you and with what.

I help my clients to manage their divorce process and personal lives – I do my best to keep them sane and on track with what needs to be done for them to feel on top of things.

If you have found the tips in this blog useful then you’ll find lots more in my eBooks, which you can purchase and download today.

If you’d like to work with me 1:1, for help preparing for your divorce/or support during or after the divorce process, please get in touch to find out how I can help.

Why I became a divorce consultant.

What Support Can You Put In Place For Your Children During Divorce?

By Rhiannon Ford

Many of my clients worry about how their children are coping with Mum and Dad’s divorce. The parents are going through something difficult themselves and get concerned about whether the children are getting enough help.

Whilst it is good to encourage the children to speak to their parents about their thoughts and feelings about the divorce, sometimes this doesn’t happen. It can be more comfortable for the children to talk to someone who isn’t Mum or Dad; someone slightly detached from the situation but who they feel comfortable with.

My 3 top tips to help your children through your divorce are:

Children need time to process their feelings about their parents’ divorce and the impact this has on their own lives.
Children of different ages and maturity will process their thoughts and feelings in different ways.
It helps to ensure the children have access to support from an adult they trust and can confide in about how they are managing Mum and Dad’s divorce. This could be a:

teacher
sports coach
favourite auntie
trusted godparent

or if needed a specialist professional counsellor.

There are lots of resources available to support children coping with their parents’ divorce, including; books, support groups and one to one counselling.

There are also similar resources available to help parents to support their children, through Mum and Dad’s divorce.

If you have found the tips in this blog useful then you’ll find lots more in my eBooks, which you can purchase and download today.

If you’d like to work with me 1:1, for help during the divorce process, please get in touch to find out how I can help.

Why I became a divorce consultant.