Whilst going through their divorce, many of my clients worry about how they will be able to move on from the distress and upset of their marriage breakdown. Getting the right support in place during your divorce can make a positive difference to not only how you manage the divorce process but how well you are able to start to recover from it afterwards. In my role as a divorce consultant, I can provide practical help and coaching support to my clients. Sometimes though, my clients require therapeutic support and I refer them to a counsellor for specialist support.
Wendy Capewell is an experienced counsellor and psychotherapist whose practice is based in Surrey and Hampshire. She has kindly agreed to share her top tips for not letting your past take control of your future which I think will be helpful to my divorce clients.
Here is what Wendy had to say….
“We all make mistakes, because we are human and that means we aren’t perfect. I have lost count of the number of times I have got things wrong. Some have been trivial, like forgetting to put the washing machine on and wondering why, when I have taken it out, the washing has been dry! Others have had some serious repercussions, like getting into a really toxic relationship and not getting out soon enough.
There are some that are much worse, but even thinking about them make me blush, so I’m definitely not prepared to share them with you. But making mistakes doesn’t define me as a person and doesn’t make me a bad person. These are the things I have learned and would like to share with you:
1. The past is just that, its history and no amount of ruminating about it or beating yourself up will change things, so let it go.
2. You can’t change what has happened, but you can learn from it. Use it as a learning experience, which is far more productive.
3. If someone else has been hurt by your actions, then apologise and move on, and don’t play the victim.
4. Stop playing the event over and over in your head, it doesn’t help and will only make you depressed.
5. With every difficulty you face and survive, you will become more resilient, and able to cope with other tricky situations in the future.”
To find out more about how Wendy could help you with these or other issues you may be struggling with, get in touch with her via her website here.
Moving on from our past can take time and effort. It is important to remember that our past does not define who we are now nor does it dictate our future. Let go of negative thoughts of the past, embrace the present and look forward to the future. It’s yours for the taking!
I work with clients before, during and after divorce and to find out more about how I could help you, get in touch with me here – Contact Rhiannon.
If you have found the tips in this blog useful then you will find lots more in my ebook “Tips for Coping with Divorce” which you can download here: free ebook.
By signing up you will also receive my monthly newsletter with more free advice on different aspects of divorce.