Whilst my work as a divorce consultant does include providing emotional support to my clients, I am not a therapist. And when I recognise that a particular client requires specialist help, I recommend they seek support from a qualified counsellor.
It is important to me that my clients have a good support team around them whilst they navigate through their divorce. This includes having the right professionals in place to help with particular issues.
Wendy Capewell is an experienced relationship counsellor and coach based in Hampshire. In Part 1 of her two guest blogs, she sets out below the benefits of counselling…
“Often when someone mentions ‘counselling’ they immediately start thinking…
- It’s only for people with mental health problems
- I can sort things out myself
- I don’t want a stranger knowing my business
- I don’t want to go back and drag up my past
- They will only judge me and that will make me feel worse
So let’s dispel some of these myths, which by the way, I thought many years ago, so I do get it.
Whilst family and friends can be very supportive, we don’t always want to burden them and there maybe things we want to say but feel unable to say to friends in case they judge us.
After the breakdown of a marriage or long-term relationship, you are likely to feeling extremely raw, maybe lost, worried about going ‘solo’. Or you may have a lot of anger still bubbling inside and don’t know how to move forward.
I know after each of my divorces (two of them) my self-esteem was shot to pieces and I had to rebuild it piece by piece. To regain a sense of me.
That’s where a professional can really help. Often just saying it out loud is enough for you to reorder your thoughts. At other times having a different perspective can really help. In simple terms, that is what counselling is; someone who will listen without judgement and who won’t tell you what to do but will encourage you to take back your power and create the world you want.
So you may ask, why would I go and see a professional if that’s all it is?
Well, for a start, there are times when the problems you are wrestling with involve someone close to you and you can’t turn to them. Or it maybe that with the best will in the world, your family or friends are inadvertently muddying the water with their suggestions and advice as to what they think you should do. It isn’t giving you the head space to examine the problem carefully, thinking through different options.
And of course there are those times when those close to you are bored and frustrated because they have tried to help but you just aren’t making any progress – in their eyes anyway.
How many times have you been told to ‘get over it , ‘pull yourself together’ ‘move on’. Whereas you know that if you could, you would. They just don’t understand.
That’s where a professional can be really helpful, because…
- They will listen without making any judgment
- You are their complete focus whilst you are with them
- They won’t tell you what to do or advise you
- Everything you say is confidential – unless you are at risk of harming yourself or others.
- You only share what you want to
- They can offer a different, unbiased perspective
When choosing a therapist, seek out someone you feel comfortable with. If you don’t take the time to do that, you really don’t get the best out of it. After all, you are hardly unlikely to pick up the first pair of shoes in the shop. They may not be comfortable or suitable for your needs. You would hardly choose high heels to go on a hike!
Any reasonable therapist will offer at least a free telephone chat so you can ask questions about the way they work, what to expect and whether they have experience in the issues you are struggling with.”
To find out how Wendy could help you, get in touch with her here – Contact Wendy.
If you are going through a difficult time, please don’t feel you should struggle alone. Reach out for help. It could make all the difference to how you cope with your situation and move on from it.
To find how I might be able to help you during your divorce, please get in touch here – Contact Rhiannon.
If you have found the tips in this blog useful then you will find lots more in my ebook “Tips for Coping with Divorce” which you can download here: free ebook.
By signing up you will also receive my monthly newsletter with more free advice on different aspects of divorce.