The breakdown of a marriage is a very challenging time in anyone’s life. No one gets married thinking they will ever have to face divorce.
Many people going through divorce can feel lost and confused. However, there is no need to feel you have to struggle alone. It is a sign of strength, not weakness to recognise you need help and support at this difficult time.
Why You Need A Support Network?
When you are facing a difficult time in your life, it is important to have a good support network. Having the right people and resources can make a positive difference to both well you are able to cope with the experience.
When you faced challenges during the marriage,
you would have turned to your spouse for support. It is a different situation during divorce. You will need to look for help elsewhere.
What Support Do You Need?
To ensure you get the right support, it is important to identify what help you need. In my work as a divorce consultant, I see my clients face a complex variety of challenges including; emotional, financial, legal and practical concerns. It is a good idea to write a list of the particular issues you are struggling with. Once you have worked out what help you require, you can get in contact with the right people to create a strong support network – ‘Team Sarah/Bob’.
How To Get the Right Support
The wrong type of support can cause more problems than having no support, so it is important to get it right. Here are my top tips:
Choose carefully who you confide in – they should be people who are a calming influence on you, have great listening skills and give sensible advice.
Keep your circle of trust to a select few – the more people you include in your support network, the more people who become ‘involved’ in your situation which may not always be helpful to you.
Be confident in explaining how people can help you – this ensures you get the support you want and not simply what the other person thinks you need.
3 Important Members for Your Support Network
Family and Friends
i. Choose carefully
Friends and family can be a great source of support and help through your divorce. However, you will need to choose support from the loved ones that you are confident will provide the right type of support. Even with the best intentions, sometimes the help provided by certain loved ones can turn out to be quite unhelpful. At the same time, you might find that someone in your life that you did not expect to be a great support, is really helpful. Choose carefully who you are ask for help and support.
ii. Make your own decisions
You are likely to be quite vulnerable to the influence of strong-willed friends and family. Remember, this is your life and you are the one living through this divorce. It is important for you to make your own informed decisions. You are the one who has to live with the decisions, not your friends and family. By all means, listen to what they have to say, but then give yourself some space and decide for yourself whether you want to accept the advice.
iii. Be clear what help you want.
Let your family and friends know how they can help you and choose carefully who you go to for particular types of help. Who is a good listener? Who could help out with the children? Who is good at DIY if something goes wrong in the house? For more advice on how best to approach things with your family and friends see my blog Friends, Family and Your Divorce.
Divorce Coach/Relationship Counsellor
Whether you are lucky enough to have good family and friends around you, it is still worth considering seeking professional help from a divorce coach and/or relationship counsellor.
There are several benefits from working with divorce coaches and counsellors:
- providing a safe environment to talk confidentially
- providing a different perspective to friends and familyare non-judgemental
- can give valuable perspective
- have experience ‘in the field’, having worked with many other clients going through divorce.
- can provide helpful suggestions on how best to approach things in your particular situation.
For more information on working with a divorce coach, read my blog The Benefits of Divorce Coaching.
Divorce Solicitor
An important member of your support network during divorce is your divorce solicitor. They will provide legal advice and guide you through the legal process. Choosing the right solicitor for you is important; you will want someone you feel comfortable working with, who has the right credentials and who can provide you with the confidence that you will achieve the best outcome from your divorce.
My tips for how to choose your divorce solicitor are:
- Choose someone who works exclusively in family law
- Consider getting personal recommendations – from people who have gone through divorce and/or from your divorce coach/consultant
- Make sure the solicitor is a member of Resolution – www.resolution.org.uk
- Don’t automatically go for a solicitor who happens to be local to you
- Do further research on solicitors you are considering to find out more about their experience and approach to their cases.
For more information on this read my blog How To Choose Your Divorce Solicitor.
You don’t have to feel alone. There are a lot of other ways to obtain support during your divorce. You may have not initially realised how many additional challenges outside of the legal process itself, divorcing people can face. Make sure you create a strong support network around you to ensure you are in the best position possible to navigate through this big life change.
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I also have eBooks available on my website. Just click on the links below to find out more and purchase your copies today:
First Steps if Considering Separation
For more information about issues before divorce, click here: Before Divorce
©Rhiannon Ford 2010-2024 All rights reserved
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Why I became a divorce consultant.
