Divorce and Separation

The End of the Blame Game in Divorce

On Tuesday 9^th April 2019 the Justice Secretary announced that divorcing couples will no longer have to appoint blame on their spouse in their divorce application.

There are to be changes made to the divorce law in England and Wales “to help reduce family conflict”.

The present law has been in place for 50 years and desperately needed updating. Today’s announcement is fantastic news after years of tireless campaigning by Resolution a national organisation of divorce professionals, to get the law changed.

Why are the changes needed?

As the law presently stands, if someone wishes to get a divorce and they have not been living apart for at least 2 years (and both parties do not agree for there to be a divorce), they must choose to rely on either the fact of “adultery” or “unreasonable behaviour” in their divorce application.

Setting out in black and white in the divorce application personal details of incidents and situations that have taken place during the marriage, risks causing unnecessary additional animosity between the couple at the very first stage of the divorce process. I see the consequences of this first hand, in my work as a divorce consultant. It causes great bitterness and upset.

It can also risk serious consequences in cases of emotional and/or physical abuse. Clients I have worked with who have been the victim of abuse are usually terrified of having to formally state what has happened to them in during the marriage, in fear of comeback from their spouse (inflicting further abuse on them).

In addition, the reasons cited in the divorce petition have little to no bearing on resolving either children or financial matters, so there is really no need to create further acrimony between the couple. No one gets married thinking that they will end up getting a divorce and it is already a difficult and upsetting situation for everyone involved. The present requirement to cite reasons for the divorce is unnecessary and inappropriate.

What are the changes to be made?

The press release from the Ministry for Justice has announced that the proposed changes to the law will include:

retaining the irretrievable breakdown of a marriage as the sole ground for divorce
replacing the requirement to provide evidence of a ‘fact’ around behaviour or separation with a requirement to provide a statement of irretrievable breakdown
retaining the two-stage legal process currently referred to as decree nisi and decree absolute
creating the option of a joint application for divorce, alongside retaining the option for one party to initiate the process
removing the ability to contest a divorce
introducing a minimum timeframe of 6 months, from petition stage to final divorce (20 weeks from petition stage to decree nisi; 6 weeks from decree nisi to decree absolute).

Who will the changes to the law benefit?

The divorcing couple – Anyone and everyone considering divorce will now have the opportunity to avoid appointing blame on their spouse to initiate a divorce.
The children – It will also hugely benefit any children of the family, by reducing the risk of conflict between their parents which can arise when having to cite reasons for the breakdown of the relationship in the divorce application.
Victims of abuse – The changes could benefit individuals wanting a divorce from an abusive spouse. No longer will they have the fear of possible repercussions of citing the details of the abuse in the divorce application which gets seen by the spouse.
Divorce professionals – will no longer need to take their clients instructions for the grounds for the divorce which can cause upset and stress for the client; being able instead to concentrate on providing constructive advice about financial issues and arrangements for the children.

When will the changes to the law come in?

We don’t have a date set at the moment and have been told that the new laws will be made “when parliamentary time allows”. I suspect it will take some time before the new laws are available to divorcing couples as time will need to be spent in carefully drafting the new laws as well as the new court documents prepared etc.

I have started work with several new clients over the last few months who have asked me when the changes to the grounds available for divorce in England and Wales will come in to force, as they wish to avoid “blaming” their spouse for the divorce. They have been holding off on issuing their divorce in the hope that they will soon have the opportunity to issue a “no fault” divorce application. It is great to be able to now tell them that the changes will happen and soon. Watch this space and fingers crossed.

If you have found the tips in this blog useful then you’ll find lots more in my eBooks, which you can purchase and download today.

If you’d like to work with me 1:1, for help preparing for your divorce/or support during the divorce process, please get in touch to find out how I can help.

Why I became a divorce consultant.

Does Our Law Reflect Changes in Our Family Units? Hear from a family law solicitor…

By Rhiannon Ford

Families come in all shapes and sizes but does our law around families reflect this?

In this guest blog, hear from Rachel Lemon who is a Partner in the Family Team at Mundays LLP and heads up the firm’s modern families sector. Rachel explains the present law around modern families and identifies where more changes are needed…

On an equal footing?

Changes in society mean that the law must change in order to keep up. A prime example of this is The Marriage (Same Sex) Act 2013 and before that the Civil Partnership Act 2004. Both pieces of legislation have allowed those in same sex relationships to formalise their relationships.

In the main, a same sex divorce or Civil Partnership dissolution is the same as a heterosexual divorce.

However, due to the definition of “adultery” (sexual intercourse between a man and a woman, one or both of whom are married to another person), proceeding with a divorce or dissolution on that ground is not an option. If one person has had an extra marital relationship, it is not uncommon for the other person to wish to rely on that when bringing the relationship to an end. It makes no difference from a legal perspective but from a personal perspective it can be all important. This inequality cannot be right and it is likely that the legislation will require reform if it is to truly mirror the divorce process available for heterosexual couples.

Recent case law supports a change to the way heterosexual couples also formalise their relationships and they are set to be able to enter into Civil Partnerships. This is a potentially complex area as it is likely to open doors, possibly, to two people, not in a romantic relationship i.e. sisters, wanting to enter into a Civil Partnership and as a result enjoy certain benefits i.e. inheritance tax breaks. This is yet to be decided upon but again reflects the changes in our society and the challenges faced by the law makers.

Building a family – the modern way

The modern family has further developed with the increased use of fertility treatments. That applies to same sex and heterosexual couples and single people, all with a shared desire to have a child. The use of donors has potentially far reaching legal implications and it is vital that early legal advice is sought to ensure the following is explored:-

Who are the child’s legal parents going to be?
Who has responsibility for the child (both day to day and financial)?
Whose details are to be recorded on the birth certificate?
Where will the child be conceived and what are the legal implications of that?
Have the relevant consent forms been signed?
Are there any international considerations?

The law has come a long way in England to recognise our changing family unit. However, there is more to be done. One thing is clear, the modern family is to be celebrated, whatever its form.

If any of the issues in this blog are relevant to you and your family and you would like further help, get in touch with Rachel here – rachel.lemon@mundays,co.uk or on 01932 590 500.

If you have found the tips in this blog useful then you’ll find lots more in my eBooks, which you can purchase and download today.

If you’d like to work with me 1:1, for help preparing for your divorce/or support during or after the divorce process, please get in touch to find out how I can help.

Why I became a divorce consultant.

What is Parental Alienation? Hear from a divorce solicitor…

By Rhiannon Ford

Divorcing parents need to remember that, despite how they feel about each other now, they will remain in each other’s lives post-divorce because of their children. They will need to work together to create a successful co-parenting relationship.

This can prove difficult when there has been an acrimonious divorce and there is bad feeling between the divorced couple. However the couple feel about each other though, it is so important for each of them to put aside their personal feelings when in comes to parenting the children. Bad mouthing the other parent to the children is unfair both to the children and the other parent. The children have a right to love each of their parents and have a good relationship with both parents. The divorcing couple will always be family to the children, even if they are no longer a married couple.

I work with many clients to help them create a positive post-divorce parenting arrangement. It can prove challenging for some but I find that, as personal feelings towards their ex start to become less prominent, many remember how much their children love the other parent and deserve to be encouraged to have a positive relationship with them.

This doesn’t always happen though and I hear of many situations where one of the parents has alienated the children from the other parent, causing the children not to want to spend time with them and to build up negative feelings towards them. In it’s extreme form this is often referred to as parental alienation.

Louise Barretto, a family law partner at Bishop and Sewell in London, gives an explanation of parental alienation and tips for a more productive co-parenting relationship:

What is parental alienation?

It is difficult to define and is a contentious term. Some experts prefer to refer to “implacable contact disputes”. In high conflict situations the children are negatively impacted, sometimes causing them to prefer one parent above the other, claiming not to want to see the “alienated” parent. This can occur because they may have witnessed or experienced domestic abuse or sometimes where the favoured parent has consciously or unconsciously projected their negative view of the other parent onto the children. In extreme cases the children may try to protect themselves emotionally by “splitting” which means that they see one parent as totally good and the other as totally bad. These are very complex cases to resolve and usually require rigorous judicial intervention and therapy for the family. It is not as simple as getting the children’s “wishes and feelings” in a report, as experts believe we have to go behind what the children are expressing and work out why.

Why is it something to avoid?

Research shows that children exposed to high conflict situations between their parents struggle psychologically and emotionally themselves and the negative impact can remain into adulthood. The conflict causes immense distress and is very damaging. It is also accepted as important that all children should have a relationship with both parents unless there are safeguarding issues and the courts will strive to find a way to make this happen.

Top tips for creating a good co-parenting relationship during and after separation:

1. Remember that no parent is perfect.

2. Children whose parents separate in an amicable way with constructive communication about their living arrangements will be able to adjust and cope with the change far better.

3. An agreed arrangement is always better than one imposed by the courts.

4. Get help to discuss matters in a civil way if you are struggling to do so alone. There are very good mediators and family therapists available to help your family.

5. Parents need to try and deal with matters concerning arrangements for their children by putting aside their feelings for the other parent and looking at what is best for the children. This is easier said than done, as often one parent might feel that it is not best for their child to spend time with the other parent because of their perceived faults and deficiencies.

6. Resist the urge to criticise the other parent or make disparaging comments in front of the children. Children know that they are made from two parents and if they believe that one of those parents is “bad” or inadequate, they may start to feel that they must be too.

To work with Louise for your divorce, get in touch with her here – Contact Louise Barretto.

If you have found the tips in this blog useful then you’ll find lots more in my eBooks, which you can purchase and download today.

If you’d like to work with me 1:1, for help preparing for meetings with your solicitor/or support during meetings, please get in touch to find out how I can help.

Why I became a divorce consultant.

What Are the Grounds for Divorce in England and Wales?

By Rhiannon Ford

As I write this blog, promises of significant changes in the divorce law in England and Wales are being made by the government. I’m hopeful, that soon, this blog will need to be updated as the grounds available for divorce applications will have changed. But for now, in September 2018 these are the grounds we have available for someone wishing to pursue a divorce in England and Wales…

The majority of my clients tell me that they wish to divorce their spouse on the grounds of “irreconciliable differences”. They may have read about this option in the media in relation to the divorces of Hollywood celebs or heard reference to it whilst watching a U.S. TV drama series.

Irreconciliable differences is presently NOT an option for divorce applications in England and Wales.

To make an application for divorce in England and Wales a person needs to show the court that the marriage has “irretrievably broken down“.

To do this, they have to choose one of five factors. These are:

1. Adultery

This needs to involve your spouse having had sexual intercourse with a member of the opposite sex – (yes, it doesn’t presently cover homosexual relationships).

2. Unreasonable behaviour

Here the person wanting a divorce, would need to set out examples of bad behaviour by their spouse that contributed to them coming to the decision that you want a divorce.

3. Two years separation by consent

The couple need to have been living apart for at least 2 years AND both agree for there to be a divorce. Both elements of this need to be satisfied.

4. Two years separation by desertion

Here one party has disappeared for a period of at least 2 years.

5. Five years separation

Here the person wanting a divorce does not require their spouse’s involvement in getting a divorce.

What does this mean for most people?

If the couple have not been living apart for at least two years (and both agree for there to be a divorce), there are only two options to choose from:

Adultery, or
Unreasonable Behaviour

If there is no third party involved, this then means that there is only one option left, which is unreasonable behaviour.

This is the most common ground for divorce in England and Wales. Unfortunately, however, it is quite unpleasant and uncomfortable for the parties. It involves the person making the application (the petitioner) setting out details of examples of behaviour by their spouse that have resulted in them coming to the decision that they want a divorce.

I work with many of my clients to help them prepare details of the unreasonable behaviour they wish to use, for them to forward to their solicitor. It can be a difficult exercise and I can give tips and guidance on how best to approach this.

On a positive note, as I mentioned at the beginning of this blog, there have been significant developments recently and the government are looking to make some much needed changes to this area of divorce law to work towards a “no fault” based divorce system in England and Wales.

To find out my thoughts on the need for this change in the law, read my blog –

A Divorce Consultant’s Views On No Fault Divorce

If you have found the tips in this blog useful then you’ll find lots more in my eBooks, which you can purchase and download today.

If you’d like to work with me 1:1, for help preparing for your divorce/or support during or after the divorce process, please get in touch to find out how I can help.

Why I became a divorce consultant.

How To Approach Funding Your Divorce

By nerysdonaldson

It is difficult for anyone to predict how much you will spend on legal costs by the end of your divorce case.

How long your case takes and how much it costs is actually as dependent on you and your ex as much as anything else.

The more the two of you disagree, the longer the case is likely to take and the more you both risk spending on legal costs to get everything resolved.

Solicitor’s Costs

When you make enquiries of solicitor firms to decide who you would like to work with in your divorce, make sure you ask questions about their charges and invoicing system. You’ll want to know;

Do they offer a fixed fee for the divorce element of the case?
Who has conduct of your file and what are their charges?
Who else may be working on your file and what are their charges?
How much is the first meeting?
How often do they invoice?
What monies on account do they require to start your case, if any?

This information will be set out again in a letter to you, once you have confirmed you wish to proceed with this particular solicitor.

What’s involved

Your overall divorce case is likely to involve two or three main issues:

The dissolution of your marriage – the divorce itself
Finances – reaching a financial settlement with your ex
Children arrangements – If you have children, you will need to reach agreement on their care arrangements as well as financial support for them (if they are under 18, in full term education or require long term care).

Paying for your divorce case

There are various ways in which you can pay your solicitor’s invoices. These are as follows;

1. Income

If you earn sufficiently, you may be able to simply pay the solicitor’s invoices as they come in.

2. Savings

You may have sufficient capital in savings accounts in your sole name, from which you can pay your solicitor’s fees. Or, you may reach an agreement with your spouse for both of you to use joint funds to meet your legal costs.

3. Your Spouse

You may reach an agreement with your spouse for them to pay your legal costs. This may be relevant if you don’t work, have no other form of income and your spouse has been the breadwinner during the marriage.

4. Loans

You may need to consider taking out a loan from a family member or friend or a bank loan. If you are lent monies by a friend/relative, you will need to show this is in fact a loan and not a gift. The lender can provide a letter to prove this and that they will be expecting the monies to be paid back.

5. Litigation Funding

Your solicitor can talk to you about options available for “litigation funding”. This is a type of loan used in divorce cases to provide someone who does not have any other form of meeting their legal costs with the funds to do so. It is, however, worth bearing in mind that this is a loan and these types of loans usually have very high interest rates.

6. Sears Tooth Agreement

This involves you reaching an agreement with your solicitor that they will get paid in full from your financial settlement before you receive any monies. These types of agreements are now fairly unusual but you could still ask whether your solicitor offers this.

How to keep your legal costs down

The best way to do this is to ensure you only use your solicitor for what they should be used for, i.e. legal representation and formal legal advice. Their role is not to provide emotional support and for this you should look to work with a divorce coach and/or counsellor. Working with a divorce coach/consultant such as myself can also help save you a lot of money on your legal costs.

For more tips on your legal costs, please click on the following links:

5 Tips To Save Money On Your Divorce

How To Get Financially Ready For Divorce

If you have found the tips in this blog useful then you’ll find lots more in my eBooks, which you can purchase and download today.

If you’d like to work with me 1:1, for help preparing financially for your divorce/or support during or after the divorce process, please get in touch to find out how I can help.

Why I became a divorce consultant.